Like many Dads, I get up in the morning, shower, dress and go to work. I spend 40 minutes or so on a bus checking emails, reading blogs and playing words with friends before grabbing coffee from my favourite cafe and walking into my office. I spend my day with grown ups, attend meetings and tap away on a keyboard.
Disasters for me are rare and normally limited to disgruntled team members or the wrong biscuits being put in the office biscuit tin. I get home after another 40 minutes or so on a quiet bus, reading more blogs and playing more games before walking into the accurately named “witching hour” when our nearly three year old has run out of enthusiasm for abiding by rules and our 9 week old is just… plain… cranky…
As I was bathing my slippery, hyperactive toddler the other night I looked over at my wife and saw that look of fatigue that I am sure only stay at home parents of toddlers and babies can muster. The one that’s a combination of “I’ve forgotten what sleep feels like” and “I’ve lost the will to give a shit” with a bit of “yes, these ARE the same clothes I woke up in!” thrown in for good measure.
The look got me pondering how very, very different life as a stay at home parent is from that of a full time working partner. Needless to say my wife caught me pondering and reminded me that part of bathing a toddler is keeping more water in the bath than on the floor but later that night we sat down and discussed the reasons that being a stay at home mum is not like having an office job
My Office has HR. SAHM’s have time out. HR works.
Just try telling a child that their behaviour may result in file note!� Yes, in an office there’s a standard, understood way of handling disputes which is rarely used because a majority of people follow the rules. In our house there’s the timeout spot and the timer and the first, second, third… fifteenth reminder that something is not allowed.
Tantrums are (generally) frowned upon in offices.
Co-workers generally don’t respond to bad news (“sorry, we’ve run out of the nice tea bags”) by throwing themselves down of the floor, pounding their hands and feet into the carpet and screaming like a banshee. I don’t spend a lot of time wiping snot from hyperventilating team members and I’ve never had to stop everyone looking at me by giving an employee a biscuit to silence them screaming.
Tired? Bored? Lonely? Call a meeting!
Every office worker has been guilty of this one, breaking up the day with a few meetings that achieve little more than a catch up on what you all did on the weekend. My job allows to me to schedule lots of these “meetings” as well as time to catch up on emails (Facebook), read documents (online news site) and answer messages (twitter). My wife however, with two kids under three struggles to answer a text message within 6 hours of sending and can easily go a week without watching the news.
Even if I am talking to the most boring person in the office about the most boring subject known to mankind. I’m still talking to a grown up.
“Can you take that fairy wand out of your ear please”?
“why mummy”
“because you could trip and hurt yourself”
“why mummy”
“just take it out please”
“I’ll be careful mummy”
“that’s not the point… just take the wand out of your….” and so on and so on and so on
Bored work colleagues will generally refer to point 3
At no point in my working day do I have to think of the next activity to do for 5 minutes to entertain a hyperactive nearly three year old, only to get all equipment out for said activity to find her in the bathroom smearing ridiculously expensive moisturiser through her hair.
The list isn’t exhaustive. What it does do is remind me that no matter how stressful my day might have been, no matter how hard my trip home on the bus was or how much my colleagues may have annoyed me, someone else has put in a pretty big day… again.
Kevin can be reached via The Illiterate Infant, its Facebook Page or twitter (@notreadbooks)
Responses to “5 Reasons Being a SAHM is Nothing Like Having an Office Job”
what about the poor mothers who get up extra early to do the daycare drop off work full time in a professional role to the run out the door to do the daycare pick up with their laptop. Do the baths dinners and tantrums then open up the laptop again to finish work only to drop into bed for a few hours sleep to get up and do it all again with no thanks from the husband sitting on the computer watching YouTube. Hmm…. Think I need a new husband!!
I agree Nat, I get up at 6am to wake & get my nearly 4 year old and newly 2 year old dressed and to daycare. I work in a professional job that offers more stress than my children do in a day. I then pick my children up at 6ish to rush home and do tea, bath, bed, prep for next days work & daycare, a couple of loads of washing and folding. I then spend the weekend cleaning the house which by the end of the week is filthy. There is no respite!
I know it’s hard, the life of children in your hands, the expectation be it your own or others… Ever thought of a cleaner… The money you might spend on that will give you priceless time with your kids….
A recent bit of advice I got is also ….is it stress or is it fatigue?? Fatigue makes us not think properly, makes us react in ways we never would without thought…..
Cleaner…take one stress off your shoulders…..it’s a lot cheaper than you think
Thanks, Kevin! Here I am, sitting down after finally getting the kids to bed tonight by myself on a Sunday night, which is our regular occurrence every Sunday night. We also have two kids under three (and a third on the way). Your post made me laugh and cry at the same time at several points.
I am so thankful that I have a husband who is as supportive as he can be, and tries to be as understanding as he can, even though he is also aware that there is only so much he can understand given he is not the one at home full time. My heart goes out to single mums and dads out there, I don’t know how they ever do it. And also those who don’t have a supportive partner. It is hard enough when you do have their support, I can’t imagine what it must be like without it.
Well said Fiona. A supportive partner is everything! I’m one of the lucky ones too! Our number 3 is also on the way, life is about to get busy(er)! 🙂
Thanks for this Kevin, after a recent thread online with some amazingly unsupportive comments it’s nice to hear someone trying to understand the SAHM/D thing. I’ve done both – worked full time with a toddler in childcare, and now I’m at home with two. In my experience, they both have their challenges but this gig is tougher. The days when you simply cannot complete a train of thought never mind a task without interruption, every chore uncompleted, and the frustration as you clean up after the umpteenth spill, breakage or impromptu water games. And that’s not even getting to how quickly kids can turn a room into a disaster zone. Again and again. Dealing all day with emotions, tantrums & constantly saying things over and over also take their toll on you – the repetitive build up can really put you over the edge by the end of the day. When I was working there was definitely more rushing and a microcosm of all these issues at the start and end of your day, and it’s not easy. But the break up of the day, no matter how crap my day at work was, made it easier to cope. Exhausted maybe, but mentally better. And oh, just to be able to pee in peace! Hats off to everyone raising kids either at home or working – it’s the best job in the world but it can sure do your head in. I just wish their were more Kevins out there who try to understand their partners day and be supportive.
Well said Fiona. A supportive partner is everything! I’m one of the lucky ones too! Our number 3 is also on the way, life is about to get busy(er)! 🙂