Sometimes, humour is all it takes for a parent to get through the day.
So if you’re a mum or a dad in dire need of a good giggle, we got you covered! Here are 25 funny tweets about being a parent that will make you say, “Me too!”
1. The ultimate parenting test
I’m getting really good at this parenting thing. I just secretly ate 3 oreos while my kids were in the same room.
” – Iwan (@IwanWil) May 26, 2016
2. It’s the Christmas spirit, folks!
Parenting Tip:
Place fake present under tree with unruly child’s name on it and when he misbehaves toss it into the burning fireplace” – Tag ur it (@TheRealRHB) December 21, 2013
3. How else can you’make a funny tweet’about your daughter falling off the swing?
Parenting is much harder nowadays. For example, you have to be able to push a kid on a swing and tweet at the same time.
” – Descending Dave (@Dave_in_SoPo) June 29, 2014
4. No one cares about the second kid.
Parenting styles often relax as you have more kids. For example my 1st born ate only all-natural, organic food. My 2nd eats broken glass.
” – Qwerty Jones (@QwertyJones3) January 4, 2015
5. Well, you’re not exactly incorrect…
I may not have great parenting skills, but in my defense the kids don’t have great childing skills either.
” – Janezzlle (@jnellbg) September 6, 2014
6. Yeah, because mine looked like a hideous foal!
There’s something mentally wrong with people who ask other parents if their baby isn’t the cutest baby they’ve ever seen
” – 🌴EnvyDaTropic™🌴 (@envydatropic) September 28, 2016
7. When the only thing your kids should come with is a disclaimer…
Hear toddler having meltdown at Target
Me: Parents should control their kids!
Cashier: Isn’t she yours?
Me:
C: I saw her come in with you.” – Minivansandgin (@minivansandgin) March 22, 2016
8. The curse of the Lego…
*steps on Lego*
*stumbles backwards and trips over more Legos*
*throws all Legos away*
*Grandparents buy more Legos for Christmas*
” – Ashley (@ashmensch) January 3, 2016
9. Or beware of the child… all the time!
Parent pro tip: Beware of the child who cleans their room without being prompted. They are about to ask to borrow money.
” – Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) May 31, 2016
10. Don’t get me started about the coffee.
As a parent, the only warm meal I get around here is ice cream.
” – Marlebean (@Marlebean) October 19, 2015
11. And 69 is a pain in the arse! – That didn’t come out right…
I am now referring to my parents as numbers like you guys refer to your kids.
72 & 70 are coming to visit, send wine.
” – Amanda B (@amandajpanda) November 24, 2014
12. Proof that no one’s ever prepared for parenthood.
“Mom! Mom! Hold this cockroach while I grab the lizard!”
–Things I honestly never imagined I’d hear as a parent
” – CoCo Mo (@neptunemoons) September 14, 2015
13. They lather really well too!
“They’re like a sponge at this age” I say to the parents of the baby I’m using to scrub dishes with.
” – Little Greenis (@DurtMcHurtt) August 30, 2014
14. Top of my list, no doubt about that.
Someone asked me today what was the toughest thing about being a parent. I would have to say it’s the kids.
” – Minivan (@my_minivan_life) October 8, 2013
15. Birth control reminder of the day!
Hey, parents of an only child considering having one more, know that I just split an M&M in half.
An M&M.
In half.
” – Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) November 7, 2015
16. At least the first one is organic…
Toddlers are the only life form that can exist entirely on their own snot, one goldfish cracker, and half a chicken nugget a day.
” – Jules (@julie2288) September 3, 2016
17. As long as they’re not dying, right?
*walks into room to find toddler stuck upside down yelling for help*
“Hold it right there baby, Mommy’s just taking a quick picture”
” – MF FairyPrincessSmoo (@Smooheed) June 26, 2016
18. Moo moo m…itochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.
Me to my toddler: Listen up, small human. Here are some farm animal sounds you should learn to prepare you to climb the corporate ladder.
” – Horrific Ally (@TragicAllyHere) June 22, 2016
19. – When proper hygiene becomes a free aerobic session…
Me: Hold still. All I need to do is wipe your nose.
Toddler: *dodges the tissue like she’s in the Matrix*
” – James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) January 24, 2016
20. Like, a lot!
God, designing a toddler: ya know what would be hilarious would be if it has no ability to reason but talks nonstop. Also make it trip a lot
” – Horrific Ally (@TragicAllyHere) January 27, 2016
21. They’re on special today: 2 for the price of 1!
Never go to target in a red shirt. I was holding my kid and someone asked for help. Like yea just let me finish stocking the toddlers first.
” – Darling Nikki (@DarlingNikki_12) December 7, 2014
22. I’ll probably burn it to ashes (the clothes, not the person)
I’m not a violent person, but I’d happily throat punch the person that decided baby clothes needed a minimum of 20 buttons.
” – Jeff (@usermcuserface) July 17, 2016
23. Because taking two cars is not safe…
We didn’t have child safety seats when I was young. My dad would put a couple of us in the trunk if it meant not taking two cars.
” – Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) July 10, 2016
24. – No more effin’ monkeys jumping on the bed!
Two little monkeys
Jumping on the bed
One fell off and
Bumped his head EXACTLY HOW THEIR MOM SAID SOMEONE WOULD BUT NO ONE LISTENS TO HER.” – Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) December 30, 2015
25. So don’t take parenting too seriously!
Keep in mind that parenting guides are written by people with enough free time & financial resources to write a parenting guide.
” – Lemming Däd (@LemmingDad) January 30, 2014
So, what’s your funny parenting story? Tweet it now!
I get what you’re saying, and yeah, those cases where people meet as adults can explain why the attraction happens.…