Men aren’t stupid, they know what us women want.
It is still a socially expected standard that woman grow up to get married and have children. Ask any little girl and she will tell you that despite wanting to be an astronaut, a teacher or a zookeeper, it is a pre-determined fact that eventually she will get married. Humankind is programmed, whether it works out this way or not, to believe that life is “on hold” until we embrace the vows of matrimony and pop out the future generations. So why are so many men so reluctant to get the ball rolling? To pop the question that will inevitably see them strap on the old ball and chain? Here’s why.
1. Fear of Change
The big one. Even my own husband admits that this was the clincher for him. What if you change? What if he changes? What if everything changes just because you signed on the dotted line? Researchers have scared our men with statistics showing that prior to walking down the aisle, men can expect a bit of rumpy-pumpy at least 4 times per week, with this dwindling to just once a week within the first three years. What if your currently amazing sex life takes a dramatic nose-dive?
2. Fear of Commitment
He can barely commit to next week’s dinner plans let alone a lifetime with you. This isn’t a new car loan, a puppy or a mortgage, this is forever!
3. Fear of History
Both of you have baggage from previous relationships. Have either of you already been married? Was someone left broken-hearted and irreversibly hurt when the question was asked before? What kind of family life did he have growing up? What are his expectations for yours? Were his parents happy, either together or apart? Nothing makes for a more sceptic husband-to-be than one who heard his parents fighting all the time; he needs to know your marriage won’t emulate this. Is he intimidated by the examples set by others? Maybe he thinks he doesn’t know how to be part of a union that loves and cares for each other.
4. Fear of Traditional Expectations
A lot of men these days are unintentionally rebelling against tradition. He might want kids but doesn’t see the point in a “piece of paper”.
5. Fear that what he has to offer is not enough
Men are stereotypically expected to provide, to be the breadwinner, to protect, and although times and roles are changing, most older men, the fathers of our men, instilled these values into their own sons. Did his own father enforce the importance of a traditional “man’s role”? How does he feel about male pride and a woman’s role?
6. Fear you’ll say ‘No’
Chances are this won’t be happening, but it’s still at the back of his mind. Rejection is a massive blow to the ego!
So, how are you going to handle it? Click next!
Responses to “6 Reasons Why He’s Still Not Proposing”
I never wanted to get married or have kids. When I found myself 6 years into a relationship the family started asking ‘when?’. So my cousin picked a random date out of a hat, after saying ‘not yet’ a few times throughout the 6 years, I told him I wanted a ring before he spent more money on another ‘boy toy’. I still wanted to travel, he wanted bricks & mortar & didn’t think I was serious when I said I didn’t want kids… so 6 years along I left. Now single, with 2 accidental ‘ticking clock’ kiddies I’m perfectly happy (except for the lack of freedom!)
My brother doesn’t believe in marriage & is in a committed forever relationship of some 15 or so years. I don’t see the point of the piece of paper really, it’s not like it’s a binding contract anymore.
Beyonce had it right; if he liked it, he would’ve put a ring on it. Men aren’t afraid to commit, not always, at least. There are SO many reasons he won’t wife you and you have to be willing to see them before you waste your best years on someone who won’t give you his best days. Personally, I fell victim to #4.