Let’s face what should be an obvious truth here: women are becoming mums later and later.
As older mums become more and more common, you would think that society’s response to them would be more welcoming. But, it seems that isn’t yet the case. If you’re an older lady, whether you’re a first time mum or just looking to add to your brood, you’ll know that trying to conceive (TTC) can be hard. And it isn’t any easier with comments like these!
1. That You Wanted Your Kids Young
Oh did you, that’s great! As far as you know, this older mum also wanted to have her kids young, but time is a fickle b*tch. You won’t know the story about why she didn’t have kids younger, or why she wants more children now, so telling her that you definitely wanted your kids young helps, well it helps exactly ZERO. It’s lovely that you wanted your kids young, and that you did that, but her story is different from yours, so let her do it her way. 
2. Anything About Fertility – Treatments
When people hear that an older mum is trying to conceive, the first thing they jump to asking her about is fertility treatments. Let us say right now: – It’s Not Your Business. Fertility treatments are a very personal choice for a woman, and not something you should be talking about as though it’s yet more gossip fodder. And while we’re at it, let’s avoid treading into the territory of older celebrity mums and how they manage pregnancies later and later. We don’t know their story either! 
3. About Her AMA
Just in case you didn’t know, that’s advanced maternal age and it’s something that pretty much all her doctors have been delivering to her on repeat. When it comes to pregnancy, any woman who is ‘over the hill’ of 34 is automatically considered as being of advanced maternal age. Never mind that the average age for mums in Australia is now 30, and creeping ever upwards, as far as doctors are concerned, a mum TTC at 35 is at an AMA. 
4. How Old She’ll Be For Milestones
Believe us when we tell you that, although you might think you’re doing someone a favour by gently reminding them of their age, they already know. A older woman trying to conceive will have already thought about how old she’ll be when her child goes to high school or university, and she will certainly have considered her age for other milestones like their marriage and their own family. Yes, she’ll be older than the average mum, but why do you see that it’s your job to remind her? 
5. That You’re DONE Having Kids
When women are older and trying to conceive, particularly if they’re adding one more baby to their existing brood, people often come out with “Oh, I’m so – done having kids”. Well guess what? This particular woman isn’t done, and what she needs is more support and less judgemental nonsense. It can be difficult and even a little lonely when you’re older and TTC, so give her a helping hand, a positive comment, and put a smile on her face. 
6. Any Risky Old Pregnancy Facts
As any woman who has ever tried to conceive after 35 knows, both strangers and friends are bastions of random internet knowledge about the risks of older pregnancy. Yes, we know that having a child after 35 does entail more risks for both mum and bub, but did you also know that children born to older mothers could be smarter? Other studies done on the same topic also showed that women who gave birth in their later years were also at a lower chance to developing ovarian cancer. See, you don’t know everything do you? 
7. She Won’t Have’The Energy
Guess what? Having a baby is hard on you no matter what age you are. We don’t think that people who chose to have their babies in their 20s bounced out of bed everyday after less than four hours of sleep either. So while it might be tempting to point out that an older mum could struggle to find the energy, the same is really true for all parents, at all ages. Kids do require a lot of energy, but they’re also incredibly rewarding and, at the end of the day, energy is always there for those who look for it! 
8. That’Older Parents Make Life Hard
This point does go along with the ‘You’ll be old for their milestones’ argument, but it’s worth mentioning alone. To the people who want to scare people out of having children after 35 by telling them they’re making life hard on their kids, just stop. Not everyone has children young, and we don’t know a single child of an older parent who wishes they weren’t around just because they had to deal with things a little sooner. Yes, when parents get sick and die, it is an absolutely devastating thing, but it doesn’t get easier just because children are older when they go through it. So don’t you – ever bring it up. NEVER. 
9. That She’ll Really Struggle
You know what, an older woman trying to conceive probably will struggle. She might struggle to find a supportive doctor, she might struggle to find a group of mums that she connects with, and she might struggle with various aspects of pregnancy, childbirth and parenting. Well how about instead of pointing that out to her, you offer her some support? How about instead of telling her how difficult her life will be, you stand up and be there for her? We know, it’s a groundbreaking idea, but definitely one we urge you to consider.
Do you agree to all these things?
I get what you’re saying, and yeah, those cases where people meet as adults can explain why the attraction happens.…