At the risk of opening the judgemental parenting floodgates, I’ll admit it, I’ve smacked my kids.
I was smacked as a child and I have, on occasion, given my kids a smack across the backside or over their hands, usually once my patience has reached it’s extremely pointy end, or to save them from inflicting harm to themselves or others!
I often threaten a smack, usually with an accompanying “I’ll take your pants down right here and now, in front of everyone” threat, but it usually never comes to fruition. I have many a memory of my mother rustling around in the kitchen drawer for a wooden spoon to ‘tan my backside’, and god help you if you ran. But I never saw, and still don’t see, smacking as a form of child abuse, as it is so harshly depicted nowadays.
I taught my children about safety around the house by giving them a small smack on the hand when they repeatedly tried to play with electrical points or touch the oven, my mother did it to me and my friends all did it to their kids. Yes it upset them occasionally, but it taught them that touching those things will result in a shock or pain (to a degree, we are talking a small tap, not an almighty whollop!) and they steered clear.
And I am the first to put up my hand to admit that I have given my kids a smack on the bum when they have been misbehaving to an extreme. I have found that smacking during a temper tantrum is usually completely pointless and only accelerates the intensity of the tantrum, but I have also found that giving my 6 year old a swift smack on a covered bum when she’s been warned several times about climbing the shelves in Coles tends to send the message that Mum has had enough and it’s time to pull one’s head in.
I also find that as my kids get older, the urge to smack might become greater as they mouth off or fight back, but I couldn’t tell you the last time my older children got a smack. I believe it’s because they learnt a certain degree of respect for their elders and rules, not just from being very seldomly smacked as little kids, and that they know subconsciously that Mum and Dad have a limit they will be pushed to; but that if you pass that limit, there are consequences of the not-so-delightful type.
Now lets be clear, we are talking about smacking.
Defined as the open-handed striking of the backside, it’s severity, frequency and duration is only determined by the strength of it’s inflictor. Most parents who condone smacking their children only ever smack once or twice, (not like the old ‘syllable smack’ my Mum used to dish out – “You” (smack) “will” (smack) “nev-“(smack) “-er” (smack)….) to get their point across, but multiple smacks of significant force and inflicted repeatedly would be identified as a form of child abuse.
Documented examples of physical child abuse include:
- Punching
- Throwing against a wall
- Slapping/hitting around the face and head
- Shaking a baby or small child
- Hitting with an object, including a belt, shoe or hairbrush
- Burning
- Starving or Poisoning
Today, there are 29 countries, worldwide, that have made it illegal for parents to smack their children. Australia is NOT one of these countries. Research has shown that up to 90% of Australian mothers believe that smacking is acceptable, although there is a general consensus that it is usually more effective as a threatened punishment as a form of behaviour management.
Those opposed to smacking children are vehement in their opinions, which do carry merit. Some people believe that smacking/hitting children teach them that it is OK to hit/smack others that are not doing as they are told. Some feel children will associate smacking with feelings of anger, frustration, impatience and revenge and that children who are disciplined by smacking are generally more aggressive. Several studies have been conducted with varying results, dependant on the frequency and severity of smacking occurrences, the follow-up communication between parent and child after the smack, and the feelings (or lack of feelings) of security and respect felt in the family environment as a whole.
When it comes down to it, smacking your child really comes into the realm of parenting choices. Much like choosing to bottle-feed or breastfeed, private school or public school your child, there will forever be those who are advocates for both sides of the debate, arguing what is, essentially, best for other people’s children.
Bottom line, unless you suspect physical child abuse or you have evidence to support an accusation of abuse, when it comes to people disciplining their own children, it’s best to keep one’s (smacked or not) butt out!
You should head over to our friends at APN’s new site, ‘Hey Mumma‘ who are hosting over six weeks four Aussie mum’s who will deal with a range of different topics relevant to Australian mums! Go check it out at www.heymumma.com.au
Source: http://www.bellybelly.com.au/child/smacking-children-should-you-smack-your-child#.U4AqLtKSySo
Responses to “Should Parents Smack Their Kids?”
well said
Love the article and really well said!
I completely agree with you but I will point out that it is in fact illegal to smack your child in Australia and has been since the Children, Youth and Familes Act came into practice in 2006. It is however very rare for a parent to be charged under that Act and it is mainly used by “Child Protection” workers to threaten parents.
I think that legislation is only Victorian, each state has its own. I know from working in Child Protection in QLD its written in the Criminal Code that parental discipline is a defence for Assault. There is nothing illegal about smacking in QLD. Obviously each case is assessed individually.
Thank goodness! I was ready to read another ‘ranty-pants’ ‘you are ruining your child’ article, I’m glad someone can not only differentiate between an occasional smack and abuse, but also articulate it so well. With some academic referencing, I would almost have something I could post when certain mothers pages get uppity about it.
Additionally, their argument would be moot if we brought back physical discapline for minor crimes, and a physical slap on the wrist might do more to deter repeat offenders than a metaphorical one!
I am against smacking, simply because there are so many other punishments that work, that there is simply no need to smack. I admit I did once lose control and smacked my son in the midst of a kicking, screaming, hitting throwing tantrum. I felt ashamed, because the smacking did nothing and was merely an indication of my loss of control rather than an effective method of punishment. My son has been a long time tantrum thrower, and at nine was still throwing tantrums. He is a truly sweet and very compassionate kid but would throw tantrums over silly inconsequential things. We took him to a psychologist and found out that the reason for his tantrums was over his lack of control over the fact he was so worried about my being sick with a chronic illness. After a few counselling sessions, we have worked through that worry and he feels much better about things in that regard and no longer feels as worried and his tantrums have stopped and he is better able to express himself.
I can honestly say that apart from my sons massive tantrums I have never felt the need to smack either of my children as alternate discipline methods work just fine as long as you are consistent.
So I ask, frustration aside, why hit your children when there are other so many other methods to discipline them that work perfectly well. There simply is no need to smack to get your point across.
In NZ its is illegal and the law is so confusing its ridiculous. There are three reasons that is acceptable under the law to smack your children. All of which is to prevent harm to your child or others, both immediately or in future. So basically for corrective behavior. As far as I’m concerned that’s what smacking was all.about in the first place. NZ does have a big child abuse problem, but it was already illegal to abuse your kids so making yet another law around it is not in my opinion going to stop that.
i personally don’t believe you should smack.out of anger or frustration
I am a kiwi and I know the upheavel this law created when it was passed. Parents all of a sudden got very scared about disciplining their children in general and children became smarter and threatened their parents about ‘telling on them’ if things didn’t go their way. It created a lot of work for the police, mostly unnecessary cases, and child abuse statistics haven’t gone down. Yes their is a real difference between smacking and child abuse, and those that do abuse their kids don’t give a toss about another law anyway. We need to encourage other parenting discipline options through our community services, but let’s don’t make it a law. NZ has turned into a nanny state where the govt basically tell you how to live and how to raise your kids. Let’s not let that happen to Australia.
I smacked my children when they were young if there was the need. They got a smack on the bottom or on the inside of their hand. I don’t advocate bashing or hitting them with an object because that is definately abuse. I also used other forms of punishment like taking away items for a time depending on the severity of their disobedience. I also sent them to their room or took away their privileges and sometimes I found that was more harsh to them and helped address their behaviour. I can’t say I was smacked, rather belted and abused but in my parent’s day that was all that they knew because it was obviously done to them so I was always aware of the dangers of physical punishment. It never made me aggressive or hate my parents or make me want to take anything out on another human being, my siblings and I just wore it because we knew we had to behave or else! I would also foster good behaviour in my children by encouraging and setting up rewards for their participation, diligence and obedience, e.g. keeping their rooms clean and tidy. But I must say when they needed a smack I was not ashamed to do so and at times just reading the riot act to them before departing into public worked also. I can honestly say that my children are not demonstrative in any way, never threw tantrums at home or in public and are all responsible adults to this day which I thank God for. I believe giving children a smack is not abuse for at times they need a jolt and wake up call to make them aware of their behaviour. If you think you are going to lose control then walk away because you WILL hurt them and smacking them when you are angry can create a loss of control. Being a parent is the most difficult job in the world and sometimes people can be all too quick to condemn and judge rather than help. Every child is an individual and sometimes different methods may need to be applied, but I believe that parents are not wrong to smack their children if it necessary.
I am an 18 year old mother with 2 children, I have given my children a smack but I believe in grounding my children more.
I am a child abuse survivor (much worse than just smacking). Smacking is 100% abuse. No arguement. Smacking has been proven to harm children not to mention they are more likely to use violence against other children primarily because it is the way they have learnt to deal with things. Dicipline and the fact that your parents may have done it is no excuse. NO smacking EVER. This needs to become law.