What do you do when your child figures out your decade-long web of lies?!
When I was about 10 and my brother was 8, he sat me down and told me the earth-shattering news that Santa wasn’t real. He didn’t exist – in fact it was Mum and Dad that delivered the presents every year under the tree. I was totally devastated.
Not only that Santa wasn’t real, but that my younger brother found out before I did. As a kid, there is nothing in the world more magical than Santa. He’s this big jolly man in a lovely red suit that brings YOU gifts every year!
Santa Clauses are literally EVERYWHERE at this time of year, and when your child is old enough they are going to start asking questions about the fat man in the red suit./ Of course there are the parents out there too that don’t believe in lying to their children at all and have told them the bold truth from the start, so if you are one of them, please stop reading this now!
This article is for the hopeful, magic-loving parents happy to deceive their kids to keep a little bit more wonder in everyone’s lives!
How Old is Too Old to Still Believe in Santa?
I think if your child is in or about to go to high school, they should definitely know the truth. Most kids would have found out by then, either from their friends, or their own intuition. I think 10 years old is a good time to tell kids, but preferably in January after Christmas! That way they’ll have 12 months to get over it. In all honesty, a lot of kids do find out from other kids instead of from parents, but in my experience they’re rarely teased about their ‘magic’ beliefs if they’re older.
Kids are usually pretty forgiving when it comes to Santa, likely because they remember what it was like, so don’t worry too much if you haven’t told your child.
If you’re trying to break the news gently, without pulling that magic right out from underneath them, I suggest letting them know about a real individual called Saint Nicholas. Explain that he lived in the 4th century, and was such a generous man with such a bond with the children in his community (the good kind of bond) that he gave presents to those who deserved them. That way kids can see that from this tradition, hundreds of years of Santa giving gifts to children around the world was born.
“If you don’t believe, you won’t receive!”
For parents wanting to keep the secret of Santa shut down for a few more years, instigating the Don’t Believe, Don’t Receive rule is the way to go. In fact, I think this would probably keep the secret hidden forever! Of course, there will still come a time when you need to be upfront, and admit that Santa is just Mum and Dad. But for those protecting the innocence of younger siblings from their older brothers and sisters, this rule keeps mouths shut so stockings stay stuffed! Older kids are usually pretty happy to pretend, not just for presents but also to see the look of awe on their younger sibling’s face.
Deflect Deflect Deflect!
So what do you do if your child comes up to you and asks you point blank: Is Santa real? How are you going to answer?
“Mum, Why Are There So Many Santas Around?”
I let my children, from a young age, know that the real Santa Claus was at the North Pole, delegating jobs to the elves and making sure the reindeers are fit and healthy for their big trip on Christmas Eve. As he was so busy, he also employed ‘pretend-Santa Clauses’ to appear at the shopping centres so he can concentrate on the job he does best. That also explains to them why Santa always looks a bit different every year.
Make sure you tell your child that those store Santa Clauses do report back to the big guy, so they should be on their best behaviour!
How Does Santa Get Down the Chimney?
People in Australia who don’t have chimneys, pay attention. This little white lie worked wonders on my boys!
Why Santa has a magic key that will open every door in the world, that’s for when he can’t squeeze into the chimney or for people that don’t have one!
Magic retained!
Here Are A Few Ideas For When ‘The Time’ Comes To Come Clean
1. A lady with whom I had lunch with today suggested sitting your child down and telling them that although Santa isn’t real, the magic of Christmas truly is, and now that you know the big secret, it’s up to you to make that Christmas spirit special for younger children that still do believe. I thought that was just lovely.
2. Just don’t. Allow your kids to find out and acknowledge it or challenge you when they are ready. They will clue on eventually and then you can refer to idea 1 to deal with it. Kids are ready for the news at different times, so don’t rush them.
3. Explain to them that Santa is actually real – and explain about Saint Nicholas and why people have kept the tradition. A good solution for the little intellectual of the family, the kids who thrive on logic and reason.
Lastly, give them the ‘Magic Santa Letter’
Dear Son,
You asked a really good question, “Are Mum and Dad really Santa?”. We know that you want to know the answer, and we had to give it careful thought to know just what to say.
The answer is no. We are not Santa. There is no one, single Santa.
We are the people who fill your stocking and choose and wrap the presents under the tree-just as our parents did for us, their parents did for them, and you will do for your kids someday.
This could never make any of us Santa though. Santa is lots and lots of people who keep the spirit of Christmas alive. He lives in our hearts-not at the North Pole. Santa is the magic and love and spirit of giving to others. What he does is teach children to believe in something they can’t see or touch. Throughout your life you will need this capacity to believe: in yourself, in your family, in your friends. You’ll need to be able to believe in things you can’t measure or hold in your hands.
Now you know the secret of how he gets down all of those chimneys on Christmas Eve: He has help from all of the people whose hearts he has filled with joy.
Will full hearts, people like Mummy and Daddy take our turns helping Santa do a job that would otherwise be impossible. So no, we are not Santa. Santa is love and magic and hope and happiness. We are on his team, and now you are too.
We love you and always will.
Love,
Mum and Dad
If you have a lovely idea of what to say to children when the subject comes up – let us know because it’s so hard!
Responses to “What To Do When Your Child ‘Questions’ You About Santa Claus”
In our family as long as you believe in Santa he will still bring you a present no matter how old you are!!
Our family is the same as jex2n’s, the saying goes “If you believe, you receive!!”. I may be 30 with a child of my own, but I believe, I believe!!!
Us too, our joke is if you don’t believe there’ll be no present! My hubby had the best reply I’d ever heard when our eldest was about 6. She piped up on the way home from school “Dad, Johnny says that his dad is Santa?” As quick as you like Dad said “I don’t know what Johnny’s dad does honey”. End of that topic, phew, it was the beginning of her realization I suppose but it definitely avoided further discussion in the car with her younger sisters listening in. Eventually the older kids love to feel like they’re a part of the “grown ups group” who keep the magic alive for the “little kids”, it’s not hard to keep them onside and they enjoy pretending almost as much as believing!
We tell our kids that Santa is a game that people play at Christmas time. They know all about St Nick, and they know that Santa is not real, but they play the game. They also know that not everyone plays along. They know that if they don’t want to play, that’s fine, but they are not to ruin the game for others!
And my kids DON’T get gifts from Santa. I don’t want some imaginary fat man in a red suit getting the credit for the gifts that I have given them. So sue me…
I dred the day my kids are told the truth about santa, but I will be doing my best to keep them believing as long as possible. I think the believe and receive is a good idea. Maybe to keep it real make a bigger effort for evidence. Make sure they write a chrissy list and make sure they get some presents from Santa that are on the list. And old boot sooty foot prints on the floor on chrissy day. Kids love evidence. My daughter loved seeing the carrotts half eaten by ‘the reindeer’. Maybe some magic reindeer dust (glitter) where santa parked his sleigh in the driveway : )
Another good chrissy story (unrelated to this topic): When shopping in the shopping centre’s and children are playing up, tell them that the sprinklers on the ceiling are actually santa’s elves secret camera’s to keep an eye out for good and bad kiddies 😛 A friend told me that one, and I love it!
As a child I had a friend who told me she stayed awake with her big brother and watched her parents put the presents out from Santa. I thought it was so sad that she was so naughty that Santa wasn’t coming to her, yet sweet that her parents wanted to protect her from the disappointment.
My DH is very reluctant about Santa – he never came to them as kids – but I explained to him, too, that he only comes to GOOD kids.
It’ll break my heart when my kids find out (although I still believe!) I will tell them that Santa is a symbol of Christmas etc etc see point 1
Another thing that my Mum told me was that some grown-ups are Santa’s helpers. They work for him, watching kids and also picking stuff up in the shops for him when he can’t get there. HOWEVER, you do not know which grown-ups are Santa’s helpers! I always suspected she might have been one, and I desperately wanted to be one when I grew up, too. I can’t tell you whether or not I am one, ‘though 😉
I told my older children that some people do believe and others dont. It is up to the child to decide whether they think he is real or not. Whenever my younger kids quetion how can santa be at the north pole and at the santa parade etc, i tell them that santa needs helpers because he is soooooo busy. But you never know which is the real one so behave!
I remember the day I was told the Easter Bunny was not real. I was completely devastated and had to go home from School haha… I must have been around 6 or 7… I don’t remember when I learned about Santa so I must have been at a more appropriate age.
Santa is alive and well in our house and always gives THE BEST presents 😉 I have some friends who tell their kids early on that Santa is not real and that they buy all the presents. Hmmmm where’s the magic in that??!! Sounds like they just want to earn the browny points from their kids, they actually say “why should Santa get all the credit?”.
I’d much rather see that delightfully excited look in their eyes when they conjour up the image of him sneaking in the house last night to deliver these gifts! It’s such a wonderful and exciting time, I always cry happy tears on Christmas morning… We give some cool presents too hehe 😉
I agree with Spiffy. Will be telling my daughter about Sinterklaas (St Nicholas) and the magic of christmas and people dressing up as Santa here to keep the spirit alive. Won’t lie though and create disappointment later. Plus presents are from us parents (hubby and I) not some imaginary fat man in a suit!
I heard a great suggestion from a Mum at school when the “Is Santa real?” question came up. The simple answer is that Santa comes to those who believe. Santa stops coming when you stop believing, and that’s when the parents have to step in to leave the presents, otherwise those kids wouldn’t get any! I thought that was a great response.
My mum told me that Santa is real, but he isn’t a real person – Santa is the spirit of giving. Yougner children believe in Santa as a person but as we get older we know that Santa is in all of us when we are generous, and we can all make Santa real for children and other people.
When that day comes and i dread it that it will i will sit my eldest down and explain that saint nick is real the spirit and magic is real because its what you make of it that makes it so. i will tell him that now he is older he can carry on the magic and the responsibility that comes with knowing and he is now a helper , Christmas is about love and sharing and caring for others and that is now his responsibility too. make the older ones feel special make them feel like there a part of it and they wont feel like they should ruin it for other kids.
Im an adult and i still beleive in the magic of christmas ,i still get excited and i still love waking up on xmas morning ,the planning ,the food and the family and friends….. whats not to love 🙂
When my son was told at school many years ago that Santa wasn’t real, I asked him what he believed, he told me that he still believed in Santa, and I said well what you believe is all that truely mattered. (although I think that was the start of the doubting).
I plan to never admit the truth, even when they have children of their own Santa will still bring them something. Its for my benefit as well as theirs, its fun!
My youngest (I have four kids) was 8yo when he got really annoyed that nobody would give him a straight answer about Santa being real or not. I decided to tell him straight out that Santa isn’t real, but for most people it’s fun to pretend he is. Just like my son loves to pretend that perhaps somewhere alive and well in New York, is his beloved Spiderman. He had a little giggle at that, knowing full well that what I said about Spiderman is right, and he decided that maybe it could still be fun to pretend about Santa too.
I’m up there with Spiffy and Tammaspice. I don’t lie to my kids, when they ask I tell them the truth, I also explain that almost all the other kids will think he is real as that is what their parent let them believe and one day they will figure it out. I really don’t like the idea of our little kids liking a strange man in a suit, any man could pretend to be santa and act inappropriately which makes me feel sick, and the idea of him sneaking into our house in the middle of the night i’m sure would give my daughter nightmares, i’ve always told her the door is locked an no-one can get in. I’m not sure what benefit kids get from living in a make believe world, I think a lot of it is for the parents more than the children. The whole meaning of christmas was lost long ago, most kids these days get so many presents they don’t learn to appreciate them. I always make sure christmas is about spending time with all of our family, not about what presents we get. I also hate how people go on about being good to get something from santa, they should be good regardless. Im glad to see i’m not the only one out there who thinks along these lines, we are the minority but I will always be able to say I never lied to my kids, and they won’t be able to turn around when they are 13 and say you lied about santa or the easter bunny etc. mum. My daughter lies all the time, so that is another reason I am so adamant about not lying to her, to help her learn that it’s very wrong. There is so much to learn when you are little, why learn something that in a few years time you need to “unlearn” lol
Because my children saw aunties and grandparents bringing presents which were put under the tree I used to tell them that Santa was so busy that he had to have help from the adults, There was no way he could carry ALL of the presents ,so aunties etc would help by bringing some of the presents and He would bring the rest.
Last year my youngest daughter at 11years old, said to me “Mum I know He isnt real but if I say he is then I get more presents.”
Bless her.