This is my story* about our struggle with a child that is loving and caring and a split-second later attacks, screams, hurts, is dangerous to other people around them.
Our background is, we have four children; The eldest is a boy and the other three are girls. The older three, are quiet and well behaved. Well, as well behaved as children can be. We have the same tantrums and sulks as everyone else. They are now young adults and teenagers.
Then there is our youngest, she was a good baby. There were no problems until about two years old. She was an early talker, mostly due to having three older siblings. Very outgoing, not shy like the two older girls and no fear. When she was two, I took her to daycare one day a week to mix with others her age.
I explained that she could seem ok and then snap, and get angry but after any incident, she was always remorseful and very upset. Well, four months in, we were asked to leave; she would be good and suddenly bite or hit either a child or staff member.
In the previous years, when my second child was two, she had problems with biting and we were sent to the Positive Parenting Program. It turned out she was frustrated with not being able to communicate, once she could, there was no more biting. So I went back to the course, and tried the same things with our little one.
I know some parents are going to have a fit, but we tried the smacking: she would just look at us as if to say is that all you got. We tried the naughty chair. We tried the positive reinforcing when she was being good. Super Nanny way and Dr Phil. But it always came back to not being able to find the trigger for the attacks and anger. I could always read the other three and would usually be able to see, ok we need to divert the attention to something else before the tantrums or meltdowns.
We then moved towns, and this time, I kept her at home with me. The same thing would happen even with me, she would just lose it. Friends would be very wary about their children coming over because one would know if they would be going home hurt in some way. So back to daycare, one day a week to try again. She tried to climb the fence to get out”�don’t take this the wrong way, she loved day care, it is just when she got mad she had no impulse control. The daycare was good about it, and got a group called Noah’s Ark to come up and observe her. She was on her best behaviour the day they were there, nothing they could do!
Now, it is time for school, and I went in scared. She got suspended on the third day into prep, for attacking the teacher. I was called up and she was under a kitchen sink sobbing and scared, as a mother, there is nothing worse than your child being so upset and thinking what the hell have I done as a parent, to fail my little girl. So into behaviour management we went, and if she was in a bad mood that morning, she didn’t go to school.
Next step is now changing diet. So we got rid of sugar out of our diets, and preservatives, additives and my gosh, that is an eye opener. Six months later, still no change in behaviour. She�couldn’t�concentrate at all, disrupted the classroom, it got so bad that two years in to school life, parents actually asked that their child not be in her class. Once again devastated, and she�wasn’t�happy as she never got invited to play dates or birthdays, and I can see parents looking and thinking what sort of home does that poor little girl come from. My only solace is that my two older girls had gone to this school and the teachers and principal knew that they were good students.
Next Page: I Put My Daughter on Ritalin…
Responses to “I Put My Daughter on Ritalin and Stand By My Decision”
Reading this is like reading about our life. Our son has been on Ritalin for 4weeks now & he’s a different boy. I learnt not to give myself a hard time for giving medication.
Last week he got a merit award for being able to work on his own. Something he was never able to do before.
xxxx
I sat and cried as I read this. My eldest son has severe ADHD. Prior to his diagnosis his behaviour was erratic to say the least. At 4 years old he pulled a door out of the wall, he was so angry.When he was in pre primary it was as though the whole family had the plague. I’d arrive at school to have all the other parents part like the Red Sea and refuse to make eye contact.We tried to get him help at school, but where we live ADHD is not considered a “medical” condition, even though it is found on the same gene as autism. At 5 we tried Ritalin. Unfortunately for us it wasn’t the solution. Although it improved his behaviour at school, his behaviour at home was 100 times worse. Now he is older he is on another medication that is released into his body much more slowly. He is much improved although each day can still be a struggle. In regards to other people’s opinions, I’ve had to develop a thick skin. People will always judge your decision to medicate your child but until they have lived through what you are living through, they have absolutely no idea.
Much love to all who are dealing with this daily.
I understand where you are both coming from. My daughter is 6years old now, she started kindergarten this year and has been suspended twice and removed from the class almost once a day everyweek. She was removed from her first preschool within the first month at 3yrs and lasted just 2hours at the home schooling carer. She was diagnosed as being in the top 1% of children of ADHD when she was 3 but being so young was not able to be diagnosed at all. I have tried all the positive enforcement strategies, got angry and smacked her bum, yelled, cried, yet nothing ever seems to take her attention away from her behaviour. She couldnt speak for a fair while but consistantly babbled, she has hearing difficulties as well which leads to more frustration. I am in the process of getting medication for her and also feel this will be a last resort but it is not fair on her either, not being able to play with other kids when she wants to so badly but cant identify when she is hurting people physically or mentally. I am hoping she will be able to settle down to a point where she is not jumping around all the time, or screaming at people, or hurting the animals even though she doesnt think she is. Im more worried she will change to an extent that I wont feel comfortable with her not doing all the weird stuff because you must admit u get used to it after a while, just waiting for the next thing to happen. Thankyou for giving me some hope to she can have a future thats not so full on.
Im really glad you tried everything you could before you medicated your daughter, a lot of people go straight to medication which I don’t agree with but it really depends on the circumstance, some families really don’t have the time or resources to try everything you guys did.
I actually used to be totally against medicating children with ADHD but then I did an essay at uni on the advantages and disadvantages of medicating and other psychological treatments (behioural therapy, CBT, etc.). It made me realise that these other psych treatments are good but they are also VERY time consuming and VERY expensive, which some families don’t have either of.
Im so glad things have worked out well in your case 🙂 you sound like an amazing mum 🙂 xx
Omg i cried reading this. My 3yr old daughter has just been given a referral to get behavioural testing done. She is very smart, and has fantastic language skills for a 3yr old (she too has an older sibling, another girl aged 10)… but she has no attention span! And she cant just sit still… ever! She has a bad temper, but thankfully so far she has not been overly aggressive… she prefers to throw things instead of hit or bite. Just like your daughter, mine can be the most affectionate and loving child one moment… the next she is screaming, and throwing things. She is exceptionally defiant and stubborn. And i am at my wits end. Hence the referral. She was a hard baby from day one, with colic and reflux, which was related to her lactose intolerance… and she developed asthma before her second birthday. She started daycare at 9mths to allow me some time to myself, and a number of times i was called in to take her home because she just wouldnt stop screaming. She now attends 2 days a week, and up until the last 6mths her behaviour was good at daycare… but she is now starting to show her true colours. She is not as bad there as she is at home, but they still have some issues with her…. i dont want to have to medicate my child… but if thats the only way for us to learn to manage her… we will do it!
My 5 yr old son has been diagnosed as ADHD but due to his age is too young for Ritalin. We also tried the naughty corner, taking toys away and yes even smacking and nothing changed. There is nothing more frustrating than not being able to find a strategy to encourage good behaviour and at the end of the day you feel like a failure. I used to be open minded and thought each to their own in terms of medication, but it was never going to be an option for me. Til a month ago when we saw a paediatrician and were told youve done everything you can your options now are continue as you are or medicate. He was very informative and i went away and did my own research and it backed up what he said. My son started on Dexamphetamine (?) Which had the opposite affect and made him aggressive and violent. It made his behaviour so much worse, im currently waiting for it to get out of his system and hopefully he will calm down a little. We now have to wait til hes 6 to try ritalin. I can honestly say to others please dont judge unless you have spent a day in our shoes.
I too was like you. My son, who is normally a very caring boy became quite naughty & obstructive at school & I thought he might’ve been getting bullied at skool but he kept saying no. Everytime the school would ring me up when he was having an incident & each time it was so hard to get him to come home. It was quite upsetting from me, as a parent seeing your child go through this & not knowing why & the poor child probably not know why either. He ended up being referred to a paediatrician & they too wanted 2 put him onto rital which I was very jubious about doing but since he has been on it he has gone back to his normal caring self & the other kids at school are now wanting to be around him, even tho he still has incidences but he seems to be able to deal with them in a different manner. Glad to see ritalin has changed ur daughter back to her normal self…jodi
Reading your story really hit home with me. I’ve been there! I resisted medication and tried everything else with our daughter but once she started high school things went from bad to worse. In two years she was suspended five times! It got to the point where she had to change schools and that school was questioning whether she should be there. By this time she was too old for a paediatrician so counsellor, psychologist and finally psychiatrist who put her on Ritalin and stated she will need it indefinitely. So fast forward three years and our beautiful girl has now graduated high school after turning her grades from D’s to A’s and B’s. not only where we bursting with pride but so were the whole school staff especially the principal and deputy. We’re now at the stage of adjusting her meds to fit in with her adult life. She works and studies photography full time. I still feel mothers guilt but every day I’m thankful that her life is richer and fulfilling. The decisions we make as parents are always hard but the rewards are endless. 🙂
Reading this is like reading the motions we went through too, my second child(son) never lashed out at hitting anyone else tho, just me. It was terrible!! He is on concerta now and so much of an improvement. Especially at school. He, however still struggles with concept of school work. Good on you tho, for doing what is best for your child
How refreshing to hear of another girl in this situation. My eldest daughter has been diagnosed with ADHD and I find the hardest thing is the fact that she is a girl. People tend to expect and be more accepting of impulsive boisterous behaviours in boys but far less tolerant of the same behaviour in girls. She is judged much more than a boy would be and being almost 11 by the time she was diagnosed didn’t help. We use Concerta due to its slow release and experience the same appetite suppression. There is very little alternative treatment out there. When I queried this with our paediatrician she told me that other treatments are slow and ineffective. It is very hard as the parent of an ADHD child to know what is right. What if you don’t medicate them and they drop out of school? Do you get to that point and say I should have medicated? @Tracey I don’t know if you have kids or not, but I very much doubt a university paper can give you any idea of what it is like to be the parent of an ADHD child, and as such a parent who chose medication I actually find what you wrote to be quite offensive. Unless you have walked in our shoes, please don’t judge and say you are against people using medication.
My daughter is 6 years old & on 2nd set of grommets with speech therapy in place she was all of the above mentioned frustrated hard to controll & delayed in all areas. She listens to daddy for everything so a handful for me wen I get her ready in the morning for school it’s routine with add children iv found her more difficult wen her world has changed as we moved house took her awhile to settle again. Several drs & a pedatrition Werner helpful until I found 2nd peas attrition who specializes in children with special needs a blessing becoz like all mums iv been crying & blaming myself for the child she is it’s nice to hear similar story’s. We’ve done diets & do cook healthy meals also ritilan on the cards i have decided to wait for now but that moment wen mums do judge u & ur child becoz they’re different is hard my heart goes out to every1 with a child special needs it’s the hardest thing iv had to deal with.
I too tried every natural therapy there was before finally resorting to Ritalin. When the paediatrician first suggested it I cried for days, as I thought I had failed as a mother and my heart would race just at the thought of giving my beautiful little 5 year old what I assumed was a hard drug. But in the end, it has completely changed our lives for the better. But most importantly, it has helped my son in so many ways. He is doing well at school, he has the love and respect not only of his peers, but of his teachers as well. and he is developing stronger relationships with his siblings. He is happy and focused and calm – all the things he never was before Ritalin.
Wow!! Good on you.. Good on you for having the strength and courage to be an amazing Mum.. It’s not my place to say you should have tried everything else first or you should have medicated first, you as her Mum, her parents are the only ones that know what is right and that you’re comfortable with. Your persistence and hard work will also be what’s making your daughter a happy little girl. Congratulations on her achieving so much.
We were parted at birth 😉 I have a 10 year old boy who at 5 was diagnosed. Same situation at school and I can’t count on my hands how many times I was called a bad parent. I lasted two years after a diagnosis before medicating and like you I tried everything and nothing worked. In the end the doctor telling me that at 7 my son was at risk of suicide shocked me into Ritalin. My son has not looked back since. i see a healthy, happy young man and I just melt. Now my son is looking at state finals in cross country. Something that a few years ago would have been a pipe dream. Keep going you are doing the right thing for YOUR child. More kudos to you.
Sister in diagnosis
Kelly
OMG… You poor women…I feel for you I really do… Your story had me in tears… I am going through a similar stage with my 4 year old little boy… no one knows what is going on and i have being fighting for my little boy, nothing works, no punishements nothing… you have inspired me to keep pushing for answers…. I am glad your little girl is happy and content now… Hats of to you.. and i am in the same boat with people juding me and my son and i have said dont judge me til you walk a mile in my and my sons shoes 🙂
OMG… You poor women…I feel for you I really do… Your story had me in tears… I am going through a similar stage with my 4 year old little boy… no one knows what is going on and i have being fighting for my little boy, nothing works, no punishements nothing… you have inspired me to keep pushing for answers…. I am glad your little girl is happy and content now… Hats of to you.. and i am in the same boat with people juding me and my son and i have said dont judge me til you walk a mile in my and my sons shoes 🙂
Thank-you so much for this post!!! I cannot explain how helpful it has been.
It’s only this week after a multitude of tests and questionaires that the paediatritian diagnosed ASD & ADHD! I was expecting the ASD he has been on the border of that diagnosis for 8 years but it never happened and so we did the best we could with what we did know and helped my little champ as much as possible. The ADHD was not what we expected and I’ve been in tears since hearing it on Tuesday! I’m asking questions, looking at alternatives reading what I can before we decide for sure how to proceed and your post has been most helpful. My champ is not aggressive until he’s completely pushed to his limits and that is normally with other kids at school (or his older brother at home) and we already eliminated additives & preservatives & other food stuffs so we think maybe this is the best we can offer him until he tries Ritalin. He’s asked if we can do something to help him concentrate, focus, remember things and stop fidgetting because he describes himself as being quietly distracting. Being a parent is hard and parenting a special needs kid is so different.
Thankyou for your openess and I wish you, your daughter and family much happiness.XX
Thank you for your story. I was a Special Ed teacher before having children and I cringe at some of the things I used to think. I had compassion and love for the kids and families but not being a parent, I never truly ‘got it.’ (And felt offended when parents would tell me that). If I go back to work now, it will be different. Be patient with the teachers as we we want them to be patient with us.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS!!!!
My husband and I are going through the same with our son. Every morning/afternoon/night I feel like a broken record repeating the same things to him over and over again.
We have the school telling us ”oh it isn’t him, its your style of parenting”. Are you kidding me?? Children need a present father in theirs lives especially boys. This was something I already knew, but, unfortunately, work calls for him to be away sometimes and we can’t help that!
My son struggles to sit still, won’t concentrate on school work, and is disruptive and spends most his time in the office, and he has no idea why cause he hasn’t done anything at all wrong. Just doesn’t want to do things in the uniformed way all the ‘6 yr old’s’ in his prep class do.
We have been contemplating a pediatrician for sometime. As a mother my heart tells me there is something wrong with his processing, but, no one will isten to us. your post gave me faith that its OK to take this route. Yes is isnt ideal but, until you have to deal with it day in, day out no one should judge.
With bub number 2 only a small amount of time away, its made me more determined and your post help me take that step, so thank you!
Thank you again! It’s been a hard journey for my family also….although that was us 3 years ago. Only difference is that my husband and I didn’t believe in ADHD!! Hearing that our son had this LABEL! was vey hard to accept! And like you, we tried everything….18 months later he was prescribed Dexamphetamine. My son only has his tablets during school and without them, he wouldn’t be a functioning student! It’s the toughest decision we have EVER had to make but it’s the best outcome we could’ve ever asked for….our boy is accepted and “normal” !!
My son’s now 9 and has been on his medication since he was 6.5….no looking back, only forward….and I can see a bright and wonderful future ahead for him!
I hate that my son now has that label….he’s NOT naughty, he’s so loving and giving and very smart….I just wish that everyone could see him the way I see him!