How To Deal with Bully Mums At School
Have you been a victim of a bully mum yet?
In schools there is a zero-tolerance level for bullies but what about outside of the classroom? You may be surprised at how many mums out there feel pressured and bullied by other mums.
Whether it is a snide remark or snicker about the way you have dressed your child, a rude comment about the behaviour of your child, or a blatant attack on your opinion about parenting, bully mums can leave you feeling hurt, embarrassed and self-conscious of your parenting skills.
The Mum Bully
A mum bully can make you feel uncomfortable and inadequate about your parenting. She may spread rumours about you, call you names or rudely put you on the spot. She may even go so far as to try to convince other mums that you are in the wrong or that you are not to be trusted and shouldn’t spend time with. Bully mums are persuasive, bossy and controlling. Just like in school, these women tend to be the ‘Queens’ of their own group.
Mum bullies can sometimes typically be one of the leaders of the P & C meetings, the organizer of the school events program or the planner of social activities. They will most likely want to not only be involved with all decisions but be the ones to make the final choice. You may feel pressured by them to participate in certain things or conform to the way they want things done.
It sounds downright childish and ridiculous right? But mum bullying really does exist. And it happens more often than you may think!
Walking Away from Bully Mums
One of the best things about getting older is that we do get wiser with age. Many mums are simply not willing to tolerate bullying behaviour the second time around and will walk away without a second thought. This is one of the best ways to handle the situation. If you find that you are feeling bullied, then don’t associate with that person. However, there are other ways to approach the problem as well.
You don’t want to stoop to the same level as the bully, talking bad about that person to other parents, but you may find that if you breach the subject, others will agree with you. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but if you find that a mum is trying to force her parenting habits and approaches onto others in a rude and negative way, then this can be considered bullying. Admitting that you would prefer to stay away from these strong viewpoints is not a crime and as long as you are doing it in a way that is honest and respectful, you shouldn’t feel guilty about it.
Stand Your Ground
You want to be a part of the school mum community but you don’t want to be bullied. So stand your ground. Attend the things you want to attend but try not to cross paths with the bully. If she does approach you and start barking orders or putting you down, call her on it. You can expect her to get defensive and possibly downright rude but hopefully it will open her eyes.
How to Avoid Conflict with Bully Mums in the First Place
- Try not to add Mums to your friends list on Facebook unless you are friends outside the school.
- Teach your child to come out to the car – so you avoid the ‘Mummy Group’ waiting inside.
- Let the ‘hands on’ parents be ‘hands on’. If you want to help out, do things that don’t involve actually being at the school.
How have you dealt with these types of mums at your child’s school?
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Responses to “How To Deal with Bully Mums At School”
There is a bully mum at my sons’ school. At first she was a nice lady but then I found out she talks about everyone behind their backs to anyone who will listen. I have since stopped associating with her and she confronted me like I was the bad person!!
Yes I encountered a few of them my sons first year at school. It involved things ranging from looks and nasty comments as I walked by rumors being spread and abuse out the front of school while I was getting my then baby out of the car. Also there was even a death threat and publicly named and threatened on Facebook. In the end I realized there was no point in trying to defend my honor and try and convince them I had done nothing to deserve their behavior. A couple of them eventually left the school the sad part about it was one of them I really liked and thought we could of been great friends but I think she got caught up in it all and wasn’t strong enough to get herself out. The main ‘bully’ I still see at school and still to this day( our kids are in grade 5 now) she still stares at me like she wants to kill me but I don’t give her the satisfaction of a reaction. And my most important concern was my son and I never let it effect him and his friendships. He was even invited to one of their sons birthdays to which I went along with him and endured the stares and rude comments. It wasn’t about me it was about my son and him being able to attend a friends birthday. Pity was they couldn’t and I’m afraid still don’t see that!
First, let me thank you for writing such an honest and open article, and for having the integrity to state the truth about some of the people you find in Parent’s and Citizen’s Associations. We definately have a ‘clique’ of these kinds of bully mums at our school, and they are front and centre in the PnC. They are always at the school, some every single day, and they do ‘everything’ leaving no room for anyone else. We all kind of suspect this is how they like it, so they struggle to get new members or people to help out at events, but fail to realise people are avoiding volunteering because THEY are ‘running’ it.
They have been there for soo long and don’t look like they’re leaving any time soon. Sadly, they are literally so far out of touch I have to say they ‘just don’t get it.’
eg: They recently held a ‘bush dance’ which had a dismal turn out, less than 100 PEOPLE in a school of 900 STUDENTS, because they fail to understand the ‘tempo’ of the school. Approximately half the school are young, urban, savvy mums who just don’t go in for those kinds of activities.But because the same people run every sub-commitee & have their ‘ideas’ determining outcomes at every turn throughout the school you will have any good ideas vetoed just because it’s something THEY wouldn’t do or don’t like… It defies logic.
In the bimonthly school email, they state ‘It’s Your School” & how much they really want to see new faces. None of their actions support this and I don’t know if they realise how insular they appear and what a lot of the school community, even their peers in the older grades, really think of them??
Just don’t make the mistake of telling them – like I did!! Or you WILL get bullied!! This includes gossip, ‘spying’ all kinds of petty little things. It’s sad but that’s how bullies get to the top in the workforce, why would people assume the PnC is any different??