12 Tips on How to be a Good Stepmother

5. Don’t Make Them Feel Left Out

This is particularly important if you have your own children and your stepkids are only with you half of the time. The last thing they want to hear about when they’ve just done the house swap for the second time in a fortnight is how many cool things happened while they were gone. And don’t try and get other kids to stay quiet about it either. Kids love to brag, and your stepkids will have even less respect for you for keeping secrets.

6. Do Organise Activities For Everyone To Do

You might not be a traditional family, but it’s important to make sure that everyone involved feels included in your home. This means that if you’ve got something special planned, everyone should be involved. Obviously, you won’t always be able to guarantee that around holidays when custody arrangements get even more foggy, but in general, it should be a priority. If you’re taking the kids to do something fun, don’t just take your kids, take everyone.

7. Don’t Be Too Rigid In Your Routine

If you’ve only got your step children half of the time, as is common in many separated families, you’re not going to be able to have that routine that everyone tells you is so important. Try though you might, there’s always going to some change in plans, some unexpected thing, or general chaos that’s going to get in the way. To lower your stress levels, try not to make whatever routine you can have too rigid. With kids moving between homes, there’s an element of flexibility required, and they’ll thank you for it, one day.

8. Do Give Them Something They Can Rely On

You might not always get routine, but it does help to give your stepkids something they can rely on. Remember, divorce is hard on parents, but for children that don’t understand it the entire episode can be a nightmare. Kids feel unstable and unsure, and moving between one house and the next can be a real challenge. So whether it’s a familiar meal, a movie night, or a family activity (like going for a walk or to the movies), do something regularly that keeps your stepkids feeling like everything is as it should be. 

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Clare Whitfield Chief Editor

Clare Whitfield is the Editor of Stay at Home Mum and a recognised voice in practical home management for Australian families. Based in the northern suburbs of Sydney, she balances editorial leadership with life as a stay at home mum to two school age children. Her background in home economics and more than a decade of experience in recipe development, family budgeting, and household systems inform her work.

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