4 Ways to Overcome Gender Disappointment

You’re having a baby. This should be the most exciting time of your life.

However, if you have had a scan and discovered the gender of the baby, then many parents are surprised and disheartened to find out that they are actually a little down on the gender of their baby. When you want something so badly, such as a little pink bundle, and it turns out you are having a boy, or vice versa, it is only natural to feel a little down.

Whether you already have a houseful of boys and desperately wanted that little girl or whether you had your heart set on a girl and have discovered you are having a boy, gender disappointment is actually completely natural and normal. There are different techniques to overcome this disappointment and mentally prepare for your new little one’s arrival.

1. Coming to Terms with Your Disappointment

One of the first things you need to think about is why you feel disappointed in the first place. As mentioned above, it may be because you already have a child or more in the same gender. It may be because you feel like you cannot connect to one gender. It may be because your family really wanted you to have a specific gender. Or, it may be because in your heart, you felt like your baby was blue, when in reality, it’s pink! These are just a few of the reasons you may feel a little saddened at the news of the gender.

2. Communicate Your Feelings

It is important to talk about your feelings with your partner. Communicating your disappointment can be a way to understand it and to get over it. If you feel like your partner does not understand, then look to forums or professional help to understand your feelings. If you can, open up to family members and friends. Don’t feel guilty about feeling this way. It is actually quite common and you may find solace in knowing how many other mothers go through this exact same thing.

3. Boy, Girl, Baby

Keep in mind that, whether your little one is a boy or a girl is only one small thing. Rather, focus on the individual that you are growing inside you. Even if you already have three boys, it is almost certain that raising your fourth little man will be a completely different experience and he will be a completely unique individual compared to his older brothers. Furthermore, just because you are having a little girl, doesn’t mean she will automatically want to play dolls. Your child will be an individual and how you raise them will dictate who they become.

4. Accepting Help

Most parents find that once they see their new baby, the gender disappointment does go away. Furthermore, as you get to know your little baby and see his personality develop, it can be hard to even remember how you could have once been disappointed in this little miracle.

However, if this is your last baby and you didn’t get what you wanted, then the feeling can linger. Even if this isn’t your final baby, you may still experience that unwanted pang of guilt that deep down you are still disappointed.  If you feel like you cannot bond with your new baby after a few weeks home, then it might be a good idea to talk to mental health nurse about your concerns. Gender disappointment is very natural but if the sadness is lingering, then it could have something to do with postnatal depression as well.

How do you overcome gender disappointment?

Clare Whitfield Chief Editor

Clare Whitfield is the Editor of Stay at Home Mum and a recognised voice in practical home management for Australian families. Based in the northern suburbs of Sydney, she balances editorial leadership with life as a stay at home mum to two school age children. Her background in home economics and more than a decade of experience in recipe development, family budgeting, and household systems inform her work.

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