Ever looked in the mirror and thought, “Why don’t my boobs look like her boobs?” You’re not alone. Truth is, boobs come in all shapes, sizes, and directions—and guess what? They’re all totally normal. Baps, bazookas, bristols or jugs, whatever it is you call your dirty pillows, breasts have always been a source of fascination for both men and women alike.
Long before they are ever used for their biologically intended purposes, breasts are usually high on the list of assets in a woman’s perception of her body image, and often relate to how sexually desirable she may feel (even if they are squashed into a Sports Bra!).
Given today’s extreme emphasis on physical appearances, many women are off for the hack and sack fill to pump up those puppies. The ability to change your boobs from what you were naturally dished out, to whatever you can dream up, leaves the flood gate wide open. It may be a case of being careful what you wish for”
There may well have been a time when I wished for larger, fuller funbags, especially after having recently issued a cease and desist order to my youngest child. I had had enough breastfeeding. While my mammaries have never been massive, I now have less than what I started with. Where once I may have had peaches, I now have pancakes.
The fact is, our breasts are as unique as our fingerprints. So in true SAHM fashion, we’re embracing every jiggle, wobble and curve—with a little humour, some bra-fit tips, and yes, real talk.
Let’s dive into the wonderful world of boobs!
1. The Uni-Boob
AKA: Close-set or conjoined breasts
This happens when there’s minimal space between the breasts, often creating the illusion of one continuous boob under a sports bra. It’s not a bad thing—it just means your breasts are close-set!
Fit Tip: Try a balconette bra with strong side support to separate and define.
2. The Side Sweeper
AKA: East-West boobs
Your nipples tend to point outwards, and your breasts gently slide to the sides. It can make cleavage tricky, but it’s a common shape—especially post-baby or as we age.
Fit Tip: Go for a plunge bra to nudge them together.
3. The Dream Peaches
AKA: Round or evenly full breasts
Round, perky, and full on top and bottom? Some might call this the ‘ideal,’ but it’s really just one of many fabulous shapes. Well-rounded lady lumps perched with pride upon the ribcage.
Fit Tip: Almost any bra will suit you—lucky duck!
4. Round Melons
AKA: Full Round Breasts
These are the classic “hello, I’m here!” breasts—equally full at the top and bottom, round from all angles, and often the envy of bra mannequins everywhere. A larger version of Peaches. The optimal breast type for motorboating. Giant milk monsters!
They may be natural or surgically enhanced, but either way, they bring the drama (and the perfect fit for most bra styles and swimwear tops).
Fit Tip: You can rock pretty much any style—but a plunge or balconette will really show them off. Treat them to something special—you’ve got the goods!
5. The Pancake Stack
AKA: Deflated or relaxed breasts
Often seen post-breastfeeding or with weight fluctuations, this shape looks flatter or softer—like a warm pancake on a Sunday morning.
Fit Tip: A wirefree bralette gently lift and round without padding overload.
6. The Underarm Hitchhiker
AKA: Side-set breasts
These gals like to hang out under the armpits. You may find there’s more space in the middle and tissue extending into the underarm.
Fit Tip: A full-cup or side-support bra will bring the girls in for a hug.
7. The Perky Pears
AKA: Teardrop or bell-shaped breasts
Slightly fuller at the bottom and narrower at the top, this shape is super common and beautifully natural.
Fit Tip: Demi-cup bras offer light lift without squashing your shape.
8. Sneaky Sideboobs
AKA: Asymmetrical breasts
Got one boob bigger than the other? So does 99% of the population. Some of us just notice it more than others.
Fit Tip: Moulded cups help balance out the visual. Try removable inserts to customise fit.
9. Waterfalls
AKA: Sloping or pendulous breasts
This shape appears longer and softer, with less volume at the top and more natural sag (we prefer “drape”). I call it waterfalls because sometimes it makes me cry.
Fit Tip: Try a supportive full-coverage bra with firm straps—your back will thank you.
10. The Coneheads
AKA: Tubular breasts
Cone-shaped or tubular breasts often appear narrow with a smaller areola and more space between them. Totally normal, and more common than you’d think.
Fit Tip: Padded plunge bras help give a rounded look while supporting natural shape. For sportswear, a high-neck compressive top (like this) works beautifully to smooth and shape without highlighting asymmetry. It gives a clean silhouette and feels supportive without being overly structured.
11. Teen Throwback
AKA: Slender or small cup breasts
Perky, petite, and usually high-set—these breasts are often common in younger or smaller-chested people.
Fit Tip: Triangle, bandeau, or ruffle tops – you can rock the cutest designs—frills, cut-outs, and string styles are all on the table.
More Boobs:
- 9 Things Your Boobs Might Be Telling You About Your Health
- When Your Boobs Are Bigger Than Your Baby’s Head
- Science Proves That Wearing A Bra Is A Waste Of Time
Boob FAQs (You Know You Were Wondering)
Because let’s be honest—sometimes we have very real questions about our boobs but don’t exactly bring them up at brunch. Here are some common ones we all think about but rarely say out loud…
Why is one boob bigger than the other?
This is completely normal! In fact, around 99% of people have one boob slightly bigger than the other. It’s called asymmetry, and it can be caused by hormones, breastfeeding, sleeping position, or just genetics. No need to panic unless the change is sudden—then it’s worth getting checked.
Is it normal for my nipples to point different directions?
Absolutely. Nipples can point up, down, sideways, or even spin in circles (okay, not quite). What matters most is if there’s a sudden shift in direction, shape, or colour—then it’s time to check in with your GP.
Why do my boobs feel lumpy before my period?
Hormones! During your cycle, your breast tissue can become more sensitive, dense, or lumpy—especially if you’re premenstrual. These usually go away post-period. If they don’t, or if the lump feels different from the rest of your tissue, get it checked.
What’s the deal with random boob hairs?
Totally normal. Hormones (especially during pregnancy or perimenopause) can cause hairs to sprout around the areola. You can pluck, wax, or just leave them be—whatever makes you feel good.
Should I be worried about sagging?
Nope! Gravity, time, kids, bras—or no bras—don’t cause sagging as much as natural ageing and collagen loss do. Every pair will change over time. It’s part of the journey!
When should I get a breast check or mammogram?
In Australia, women aged 40–74 are encouraged to have a free mammogram every two years through BreastScreen.(Click here for more information) But if you have a family history or notice changes, speak to your doctor regularly as early as your mid 20s. Early checks save lives.
Your Boobs, Your Rules
Whether yours are perky pears, sneaky sideboobs, or the proud owners of a pancake stack, one thing’s for sure—there’s no such thing as “normal” boobs. They change with time, hormones, babies, bras, and life. And that’s exactly how it should be.
So instead of squeezing into someone else’s idea of what your body should look like, let’s celebrate what it does look like—soft, strong, wobbly, wonderful.
You deserve comfort, confidence, and a bra that fits like a hug (not a torture device). And most of all, you deserve to feel good in the skin you’re in.
Have your say!